It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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