the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
