I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
