She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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