thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize