what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
