when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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