I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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