dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
