So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
