I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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