I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize