i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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