we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
