I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Randomize
