Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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