I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
