i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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