well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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