I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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