whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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