While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
