i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
