woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
this is an emotional support booty call
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
