How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
