I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
