do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
