he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
