i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
