i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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