East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
