We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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