remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
