THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
