Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
