i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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