You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
