Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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