If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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