So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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