dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
