1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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