spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
