If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize