btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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