At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
