saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
