i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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