You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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