apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
