it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
That accounts for only three of the penises
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
