who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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