Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
