I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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