This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
