HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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