you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
