So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
