He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
