Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
