i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
