I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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