come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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