bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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