why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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