Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
