She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
