I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
