I'm jealous of your bromance
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I stole a fireplace last night.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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