she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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