I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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