My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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