There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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