You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
