How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
