so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize