i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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