if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I need to stop coming to work sober
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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