You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
