I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
