Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
