I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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