oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
