so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
