So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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