just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
