Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
