i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
40s are totally the cure
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
