i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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