it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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