Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If I die, sorry about rent.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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