he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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