yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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