I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
