Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
