When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
