well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
