someone threw a dead crab at me
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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