I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Did you pee in the oven last night??
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
