I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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