god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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