that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
