Don't you send me to vm
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
