super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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