No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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