he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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