talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize