am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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