he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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