look no pants
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
