I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
